Born the only son of a traveling rain merchant and a supple coal-
marm, JC (Just 'Cause) Jordan came into the world with many obvious
advantages which for legal reasons we cannot discuss. His first
experience in the public eye was as the in-studio entertainment in a
group called "Ain't that Special?" on the Dinah Shore show. After
several years of being promoted in the underground child star trade,
JC managed to escape during a visit to Bangladesh, where a friendly
dirt cook baked him into a wedding brick that was shipped to Mongolia
for the annual "Soup with Dessert" Festival.
Four years later, JC was discovered singing Perry Como songs naked in
the jungles of Vietnam. He was traded by Chinese dissidents with the
American Embassy for a suitcase full of boxer shorts, which the
dissidents mistakenly thought were protective against revolutionary
cultures. JC's identity was discovered by a Phrenologist on loan from
Bolivia tasked with defending America from the Red Menace. Dr. Banzer
was an avid daytime television junky and recognized some of JC's
signature dance steps immediately.
JC's stint in Abalone Penguin is the culmination of years of painful
rehabilitation and reprogramming provided free of charge by the
Ladies of the Fighting Jesus Auxiliary, who have lent us his talents
for the next twenty seven fortnights.